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. Heiligenstädter Testament. In a letter from Beethoven, to his Beloved. 1822 June 7. 66 * Of my sickness you wish to know: How strange a malady it is, the following may serve to explain: In my 28th year I was seized with a dreadful ailment in my hearing, which by gradual degrees grew worse, until at length I became almost totally deaf; this happened in conjunction with a constant sharp spasm, which kept up so very many days that I became almost distracted; then a constant stinging on the eyes, as if by thousands of fine pointed needles. During This was the 27th of July, 1822. When he went to the Congress of Sovereigns at Vienna; but he was too diffident and unpractical to get what he wanted and gladly accepted a considerable sum for renouncing the commission. He played the Concerto in G; after which, Prince Charles, von Schwarzenberg, and Count Razumofsky, took him in their carriage to their country seat to stay a few days with them, and to have perfect rest. The musical world is indebted to this visit for the most important of all Beethoven’s works. “I was in no enviable frame of mind when one of my friends escorted me in my carriage to the country. At my brother’s charming country seat, where I lived in sweet tranquillity among the beautiful scenery of Nature, which often enchanted me with its thousand-fold echoes, my melancholy somewhat abated; and new ideas, as if borne on ethereal pinions, hovered about me. The feeling which a change of abode inspiring me, together with the utter solitude of the lovely region, combined to produce the following passage, which I here subjoin. The brook taking its course over the flowery meadow kissed my hands, as an earnest of the gratitude of the invisible, to whom we can never be recognized; then from the height of heaven sounded the song of birds in harmonious union as if inspired by the purest joy, for my heart echoed back the sweet sounds, and thrilled with a thoughtful sensation of the God. The Godhead from his immediate proximity, and the sublime effect of nature, for the Spirit of Godhead penetrates man more as well as every thing else in Nature, although it is unperceived by many of our so-styled blasphemers, my feelings were affected with a sense of warmest love such as I had never before experienced, all Nature appeared to ne tranquil and happy, and every object to smile upon me. On my return home from this short but delightful trip, I was compelled the very day of my return to crave the assistance of a skilful oculist for my eyes, and found, to my great mortification, that from the use of too strong eye-washes, had produced an inflammation in the optic nerves, which may perhaps seriously effect my sight. I was obliged to keep my bed, and submit to all kinds of privations and dieting, and even to live entirely on an herb tea. A little relief has been temporarily afforded by this treatment, but as yet no material change has taken place. It may possibly be the case with me, and many others are afflicted with the same thing, and am, I fear, very much afraid that it may be a permanent deprivation, which would be a melancholy consideration for me, who in my profession am more nearly related to the use of the ear than any other. Be that as it may, I must still submit to my fated. May it fortify my resolution as much as possible; I am, my friend, in a most unpleasant predicament, at a time quando me omnium maxime opus esset concentus et consona mente, humanæ miserias ac dolores, senesco. When I considered my misfortune in every shape, I was nearly subdued by despair; but no, I felt strength in me to offer resistence: oh, how could I bid farewell to life when in the very midst of my career, and when my powers of mind and myself had attained to some degree of development. And thus I was compelled to yield to my wretchedness, although I determined to spin it out as long as possible, for oh, who would take upon their charge an unholy existence doomed as it were to suffer those miseries which the greatest and best Physician always threatens to apply as his most powerful remedy, and must be endured with that resignation which is human life, and with which the mind best shields itself, in its clouded stream of adversity; even that is it which has been ever the source of my felicity. t is quite certain that in my case improvement is nearly impossible, although a thousand circumstance might conspire to improve; how? what? I am deprived not so much so from the enjoyment of society, as from the… Read full answer
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